FUCK

there's this wipe board in the back hallway where i am working right now.every week i try to write something i find very inspirational to share it with others. i realised today why i had been slacking off on writing it every week, i think i only realised it because, the quote i wrote this week had come from my heart, my eyes. And every time i write something, someone comes along and writes something cynical which tears apart the entire meaning. it really pisses me off.
And i knoe that they may find it amusing, but in the whole sense of it, they are missing the entire point of even having an inspiring quote on the wall.
We are taught our entire lives to be who we are, and not to let anyone change us, be original, don't run with the pack. Yet when you try to bring that theory to life, people try to bring you down with their shallow remarks.
people are so damn hypocritical.

people

have you ever met a person that tries to blind themselves with that false utopia? You try to share with them and they just refuse to see? What i don't understand is how can you live in this world if you know nothing about this world. Why do you not want to know?

today

have you ever had that feeling not to do what you are doing? but then you do it anyways, and then you find out that you are right. is that what they mean when they say to follow your intuition, but what if you are wrong?
Somedays i feel as though it is hopeless to start again, you know, when you are so comfortable in your reality of hidden lies. i find myself craving to fuck it all up again, just like i do every other time. But then i complain that i want it all. does that mean i am a hypocrite?
i don't know.
does life always have to be a soap opera, i always thought that soap operas where a total exageration of life, but now that i am opening up myself to those srangers that walk around me, i realize that they want to be that way.
Why?
i guess this is all questions that noone can answer and they will forever remain a mystery. my mystery.

cesspool

have you ever felt that you were melting into a puddle of nothingness and ignorance. Everyday i am falling into that place that does not exsist in your reality, only mine. i now know not what to say

thinking again dammit

i was sitting by the fountain today, watching the water fall, and first i was thinking about Iron Man by Ozzie and the meanings behind that.
But then i started focussing on the water. And i know we have heard it all a thousand times before, and we shall a thousand times again, i had this thought, and suddenly it all clicked.
i thought..." Absolutely No droplet of water will ever fall the same, No droplet of water will follow the same path, yet if you put all of the droplets together, you have the ability to cut diamonds."
hmmmm. Sometimes i think to much for my own good.

hmmmmmm....

Every day i roll out of bed and open my eyes to that never-ending world of hate that i love. i throw on some pitstick and swim through my days in those pathetic repetitive rituals that i cannot stand. I feel this way today. Every day. hmmm. I see all of those people that walk around me in circles and i start to feel dizzy. I sit and watch for a while, and it all starts to go away. Then i stand up.
My world exsists inside my mind. Doesn't everyone's? People are smitten with interaction. Somedays i crave to stay inside my mind for days. Becoup Dejour ( many days). One month passes and i think sooooo differently. It makes you realise how that one grain of sand can forever change the flow of that river.hmmm.

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i have no idea what i am doing!
And now i feel like a child again...