today

have you ever had that feeling not to do what you are doing? but then you do it anyways, and then you find out that you are right. is that what they mean when they say to follow your intuition, but what if you are wrong?
Somedays i feel as though it is hopeless to start again, you know, when you are so comfortable in your reality of hidden lies. i find myself craving to fuck it all up again, just like i do every other time. But then i complain that i want it all. does that mean i am a hypocrite?
i don't know.
does life always have to be a soap opera, i always thought that soap operas where a total exageration of life, but now that i am opening up myself to those srangers that walk around me, i realize that they want to be that way.
Why?
i guess this is all questions that noone can answer and they will forever remain a mystery. my mystery.